Umbilical Cord Blood Bank - I feel horribly selfish... but i don't know what to do...?

I feel horribly selfish... but i don't know what to do...?

My mother is throwing my baby shower. My little sister has juvenile diabetes. I told my mom a long time ago about cord blood and how they were using it to help cure sickness and stuff like stem cells.. and that relatives work well. My mom thinks that having my babies stem cell blood can cure my sisters diabetes. Because of this and the price it takes to do this.. like 2000 i think for most places.. She wanted to put on my baby shower invites the option of donating for this. (because she has already got me most of the things I need) Anyways i feel horrible because i don't want this to happen. My husband and I are really struggling for money and having this money from donations would really help us out with our medical bills. However when i told my mom this she thinks its crazy that i would want to do this instead of help my sister.. but the thing is, is i don't think it works that way. I don't know what to do. I do love and care about my sister, but i really need the money. I mean if this happens then that means i won't be getting anything from the shower at all really in a time where this extra money would help a lot. It just seems to me that if this was the case, and they could cure diabetes (type one) like this, more people would do it and you would hear about it. Am i being selfish? What should I do? oh and my sister also has celiac disease as well... the only reason i would be asking for donations is because i have almost everything i need for the baby, and the sex is a surprise... i have clothes and all that except for breast pump and changing table.. by the way for M kerr... we weren't planning on getting pregnant at all.. it just happened. I would have like to have waited longer...

Public Comments

Only you can decide what to do...Noone can force you...i will be praying for your sister...Hope you make the right decision..one you won't live to regret..May God Bless You
i don't think your being selfish, it takes alot of money to take care of a baby and its your baby shower do what you want...explain it to your mom
I would talk to your doctor or find out more about this procedure. I think your mom is so desperate in saving your sister that she if forgetting about your feelings. Your baby shower is for you and your family. If your mom wants the procedure for your sister (which may not even be a match or work) she can do her own fundraiser.
Asking for money for ANY reason is extremely tacky to start with, and if they are donating in hopes it going towards the Cord Bank, it would be wrong of you and your husband to do anything else with this money. If you need this money that badly then you have waited to get pregnant until the two of you were more financially stable..might sound harsh, but truth is that money needs to go where it was INTENDED...the Cord Bank.
First of all, YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH! If anyone is, it's your mom. This child is for you and your husband...NOT for your mom or for your sister! You need the money...but your mom doesn't seem to care. If you cannot pay your bills, you can end up homeless and/or lose your newborn child. Maybe you should point this out to your mom sometime, hmm? Tell your mom that you love your sister very much, but if she wants this done so badly, then she can get pregnant again herself and go through that route rather than put enough pressure on you...enough stress on you...that you might miscarry the precious gift that you carry in your womb.
You should do some research on it and find out if this is something that can even help your sister. If it can, that is great. I think you'd find that you feel better helping your sister then you would just getting money. On the other hand if it doesn't help then you can go on about the baby shower as you normally would. Basically just find out if it would even help before anyone gets upset about it for nothing.
what's the point of having a baby shower if ur not gonna get any gifts?? that day should be about u and ur baby
I actually think that the donations for the cord is a wonderful idea. BUT i am not in your position. I do think that it will be odd to ask for donations for yourself and your family, while it does seem practical to you, it most likely will not to your guests. I think you should either get the donations for the cord, or just go with asking for gift cards for the baby or baby gifts. good luck. i have researched the blood cord and if i had the finances while i was pregnant i would have done it. Research it and find out if it is really what you want to do.
well....you need to find out if its sure to work or not FIRST Off! because if you have a small chance thats not fair! Maybe instead of making YOUR baby shower a day for your sister you could keep YOUR baby shower for YOUR baby and then have a fundraising drive for your sister! $2000 is not that much to save up for a fundraiser if you get enough people doing it! You can do a fundraiser through tupperware, Home and Garden Party, and others..... Look into that!!! have bake sales...so on... I don't think that you are being selfish because it is YOUR baby and YOUR babys day...but you should help your sister out...in any other way you can! Also, check into some local hospitals... One here where i live has one that has a chord blood bank that is free to patients and the only thing is you share with others...but if you ever need chord blood you have it there....just might not be your own....but will obviously match! I do think that you need to talk with your mom and explain that you want to help your sister but it is not fair to give up YOUR day for YOUR baby for your sister when it is something that is NOT guarenteed.... I hope this helps!! I would feel the same way that you do! And I would find a way to raise the money for my sister if this is what she needed and if this is what would work! Have you talked to a dr about the chances of it working? You also need to do that!
I think it's a good idea to donating the money for your sister..But other then that i think it's pretty selfish
I don't think you should ask for any money for anything to be honest. I think if I went to a baby shower I'd feel embarassed for the person asking, and mortified at the thought of being pressured into donating for the upkeep of their baby. It's all very well buying gifts for a baby and the parents, but that AND giving money is a bit much to be honest. In the end it's up to you. I don't think it's you mother's place to say how you should have your baby's cord blood used.
its your body and your decision just cause ur mom is throwing the party it doesnt mean that she makes all the decisions about where your donations go cant she pay to have the stem cells researched? if she wants it so bad tell her to come up with the money its not selfish u r only trying to provide for your family just cause you dont donate your cord blood doesn't mean they will never find a cure. dont be discouraged and tell mom the truth its up to her to be an adult and accept your decision
I have to agree with Kerr here. My own spin on things tho. I do not think you should write on there donation for anything. Because number one. Your sister is your mothers problem. The child she brought into this world. But also Those medical bills are a part of life your responsibility. Why should your baby shower guest pay for them? It is very tacky asking for money for any reason. Especially at a baby shower. If you are struggling that much for money perhaps you should have thought about that before getting pregnant. I think you should tell your mom not to put anything on there and have that baby shower what it is designed for. Not a charity run. Tell your mom she can do that seperatly!
I didnt think that cord blood could cure diabetes yet. I thought they were in the process of figuring that one out. I could be wrong, its really something that needs furture looking into. Plus the baby might not be enough of a genetic match for the cord blood to even do any good for her. There shouldnt be any donations if it is NOT going towards your sisters cause, your medical bills are your responsibility and should not be put on others.
Hmm. I can see your dilemma. You could arrange for the usual kind of baby shower in which people bring just a few gifts (since you have so much already) and in addition, do a special collection for the cord blood. If shower guests know about the situation, they would likely be willing to put in a little extra money as a donation. Ultimately, though, this is your decision and not your mother's. If you decide against the cord blood donation and she gets upset, you could remind her that you're really struggling and your responsibility is to your baby the same as your sister is her responsibility. Besides, there's no guarantee of a cure. Here's a link to a site about cord blood. It also is having a contest to win free cord blood banking- hey, it's worth a shot! http://cordblooddonor.com/
u just have to think about whats going thru your moms mind right now. she of course is excited, and happy for u and ur baby, but at the same time, if theres a chance to make her daughter better too...? put yourself in her situation. what if it was your daughter that was so sick, and your other daughter had a chance to help her? i understand about needing the money for other stuff too. if u waited until you were financially stable...well, nobody would be having kids. you just got to do your best. i cant tell you a right or wrong answer. you need to talk to your mother, and listen to her. good luck
I don't think you're being selfish at all. I think your mom might be the one whose having a little bout of selfishness. But considering all the circumstances, it's a forgivable level of selfishness. If your hesitation stems from not thinking it will work for your sister (I haven't heard anything cord blood working that way myself but I'm not an HCP), then I'd recommend looking into whether or not it's an effective treatment. If it is, I'd tell mom to have a seperate fundraiser for those expenses. Your baby shower is about your baby- not her baby.
Why can't your mother find a different way to help people recognize this? It doesn't have to be through your baby shower. I know you care about your sister, but your mother is using your baby shower as a charity event and that is not what it is supposed to be for....it is supposed to help you two with bringing in a new life to the world. Can't your mom find another way, hold a benefit or have some kind of steak fry to help raise the money? I just think she should find a different way to get the donations. Just a thought....and you're not being selfish..not in the least bit. It sounds like your mother is forcing you into this...
I think you're selfish only in the sense that you want to preserve the welfare of your family and in that regard we are all selfish. I believe there are several questions you may want to ask yourself. Is the cord blood stem cell treatment proven to work and not just something experimental, however for many people even the experimental offers new found hope. Will your bills still be there in the future? Will the cord blood? Will you have another chance in rebuilding your financial life? Will your sister have another chance at cord blood treatment? Does your sister have any other resources? If the treatment does work, wouldn't it be a blessing that your new born child helped improve and quite possibly extend the life your sister? I know answers to the above are not easy. Whatever actions you take probably will entail feelings of resentment, guilt, shame and gladness, but I believe by having the need to ask this question, you already know what the answer is.
first of all you dont need a baby shower since you have everything tell your mom not to waste any money on a baby shower tell her to save her money and there are other ways for your mom to raise money for your sister like contacting your local churches,schools,charity care i know if i received an invitation to donate money for a baby shower i probably wouldnt want to go to it,especially when people dont have much money to give, your baby shower and your sister situation are two different things but i wouldnt go asking for money the way your mom wants to do it ,so avoid conflict save the money dont have a shower and tell mom to have a get together with family about money she needs for your sister and also please dont forget your sister has feelings and may feel that all this is her fault dont argue in front of her and you can always have a party after your child is born and receive money that way,